John 'The River Guy'

I can’t remember when I came up with the motivation to try it. I don’t recall what initiated it. Sometime around late August of last year I knew I wanted to try a trans Mobile Bay open water swim. More than likely it came down to getting bored one afternoon after I had ‘doom scrolled’ my mind into oblivion when my work day had slowed to a crawl. I then googled ‘has anyone swam across Mobile Bay’ like anyone who just arrived in America speaking broken English or a nine year old. I was enlighted to the truth of only 5 people completing it. The first in 1911 and the latest, a prequalifier for an English Channel swim in 2022. I do know I immediately contacted a River’s Alliance non profit to see if they wanted to go in and use it as a fundraiser. To my surprise they responded immediately. So October came and we planned to meet up in Mobile in November. November came and my involvement in community theatre caused the meeting to be moved into January.

I should have known the idea was borderline ridiculous when I arrived down there and we had trouble getting together. I had taken the time on a cool Thursday evening, even for extreme South Alabama, all from a guest house in suburban Foley; to drive out to Weeks Bay to start the first of my aquatic reconnaissance mission of ingress and egress. By the time I had arrived at Mary Ann Nelso Park it was dusk. Just getting a feel for the temperature I walked out into the bay in what felt like 55 degree water. I looked south across toward a high rise I now know is Kiva Dunes Resort. Then I looked slightly west northwest toward Mobile County. I then sank into clay up to my knees and wondered what they hell I’d gotten myself into, both literally and symbolically.

The original plan was to get together with the River Alliance’s non profit as they wanted to interview me for their monthly. Not able to nail that down I should have taken that as a first sign it all wasn’t the best of ideas, even after spending all of Friday afternoon cruising the entire east bay all the way up past Fairhope. Even after walking the entirety of Fairhope’s city pier to notice a sign that stated: Caution Electricution Hazard. That’s right! There were electrical currents emanating from the pier that supplied electricity to the structure at night for fisherman. And I’d studied the area well finding public landing spots, one catholic church which I assumed may let me try it as a finishing spot along with several private properties which would lead to me being arrested for trespassing. Finally, playing phone tag with the non profit’s CEO, I met him on the causeway for dinner. We hit it off fairly well having some things in common. We discussed state politics and how we wished we didn’t live in such a regressive state concerning ecological matters. It must have been the beers because he then produced the idea he could potentially shut down the bay’s shipping lane for a day. Being pleased, I was able to meet anyone in person after driving nearly 300 miles, that must have been why his statement went past my attempt at discernment, not realizing it was too ambitious for anyone not the governor. We finished dinner and exchanged pleasantries. I drove back to Baldwin County believing we might pull this off.

Many times in life we can say something and tragically cannot put it back into our mouths. In the case of the non profit’s CEO’s, declaration about convincing the port authority to cease boat traffic for a half day, I believe he miraculously was able to put that expression back in as if it was never spoken. A day after our meeting and back home in Gadsden, I’d gotten much more altruistic about the endeavor. Wanting to make it more about their financial initiative, than my fame, I had come up with an elaborate idea to include children and adult kayakers and SUP participants to start out on the west section of the bay going up to the shipping channel and then going safely back to raise funds as a nature outing while some of us swam the 9 mile course. I then submitted the argument, I’d break the swim up into 5 mile increments over two mornings ending on the Baldwin County side. Not having enough time to train in open water over the spring, I surmised May as being the best month to try it, but not with a full nine mile course in one outing. A time where the water is slightly cooler and lightening storms wouldn’t ‘fry us’ out of the water like catfish in a skillet. I even got proud of the fact I had a fail proof alternate idea of having a hybrid swim/kayak/SUP starting in Daphne going all the way down to Ft. Morgan where participants could stop and spend the night with aquatic ‘trail angels’ on course. A plan that if well advertised, could have all residents on the east bay, with property on the bay able to come out and cheer us on for a weekend, some even participating, with us ending in glory at some establishment like Jesse’s On The Bay. The following Monday came, I emailed my new idea with gusto………………………..crickets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That was ‘sign’ number three or so. Looking back I believe we had three men getting excited about an adventure and realizing the dangers, realities and legal liabilities such an excursion would accrue. With one party in me not able to let it go and the others not wanting to verbalize it by responding to correspondence. It’s March and I’ve now gotten the hint. Along with a newsfeed my father showed me about the connection to warming in the Gulf causing a proliferation of Bull Sharks to birth their pups in Mobile Bay in the warmer months. You’d think the way this testimony goes that I’m saying ‘F-it’ to the idea.

In conclusion, I’ve not said ‘F-it’ to completing my journey. Even after learning that it’s illegal to swim out from my original starting point on my original route all the way down the Baldwin County side at Daphne’s Bay Front Park. The reason……………alligators and cottonmouths galore! Wanna hear something cool? A twelve foot alligator was caught two summers ago in the bay no more than two miles from that location. When there are Carnival Cruise and cargo ships ready to make a latitudinal swim a non negotiable between Mobile and Baldwin Counties, then the wildlife makes it so going north to south. Not to mention the fortune one has to spend to start in Daphne and go down to Bon Secour Bay, with Airbnb rentals as respites after a day’s time in the water, compounded upon a logistical nightmare of having to hire someone or have a volunteer shuttle you to and fro. After trying to work it out, the prices scared me as much as the photos of the gators. Maybe that’s what the CEO of the non profit, whom I met with in January, was saying without saying it to me in response.

The story is not over though! I’ve rented a charter to take me out from Cedar Island in the norther section of Dauphin Island in May. It’s the first leg of the safest route I could come up with. A route, just right under my nose that I never considered until the ‘Daphne’ route dissolved. It will be an aquatic wonderment of peace over oyster beds right up to the shipping channel involving me being supervised the entire two mile course, getting safely back into a pontoon, once done and heading back to shore. All the while supporting an Alabama small business. Due to high bacterial levels and jellyfish, a route I will have to cut off and continue again in cooler fall waters with falling AirBnB price rates in late October. A route which will take me 13 miles from Ft. Morgan’s ferry terminal past Gasque in totality no more than 70 yards from shore to my rental cottage at the curve of the Bon Secour Bay. A route I can stand up in no more than 5 feet of water the entire course. Ironically, the part of the bay I initially wanted to swim from a latitudinal perspective since it is the widest part. Sure, people will say I ‘cheated’ swimming a part of the course only to stop and do it months later. Then again, potentially being in a hospital bed due to sickness, dehydration etc. isn’t worth those washouts opinions. Going broke financially is not what I want to do either, knowing time will allow me to budget and train more appropriately for such an excursion. Besides, in my mind you’d be hard up to find anyone else attempting to do it. In 4 days time I’ll be back in the pool in Albertville, Alabama’s Sand Mt. Park and Ampitheater’s aqautic center. More than likely for my last in door swim there. Sure, it’s immaculate, yet I can’t take much more being a ‘puddle pirate.’ In May and October I’ll think back to those times feeling like a gold fish in the drying effect of chlorine. A time when I was doing it ALL FOR THIS! Somewhere in Bon Secour Bay, I’ll think back to my piece meal journey that started as a vision 14 months before, as I wash up in exhaustion onto a beach. I hope I see that it’s not about how you do it. It’s about if you do it! I’m sure it will be about NOT WANTING TO DO IT EVER AGAIN! That’s certainly what you’d want out of an adventure of that magnitude. Because, it’s been way too much trouble.

Stay Wet,

-John